The Glock 19 and XD9 are both fantastic guns. There is nothing wrong with a grip safety just ask the 1911 folks. I prefer the Glock 19 over the XD9 but again both are good weapons. If this gun is primarily for her then go with what she feels more comfortable with. Both guns will get the job done. Maybe get the G19 now and the XD9 later. Another thing to consider is that are you using this ever for conceal carry and even if its a primary home gun sometimes you may need to carry it. The G19 is a little more comfortable to carry. Also the G19 is easier to custom and unless its the Gen 4 version you don't need a break in.
The XD will need some break in. The gun you fired was probably a rental or a friends gun that has had many rounds through it and is now smoother. The XD especially the mag release is really tight. For XD/XDM, a Springfield Custom Shop rep quoted to me "Yes, they need about 250 to 500 to get it running smooth but not every XD/XDM will need that many". It took me about 250 for my XD45c and 500 for my XD40 before they were running really smooth. Mag release, recoil spring, ejecting.